if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize