Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
