There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
