seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
