Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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