dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
