I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
