We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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