i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
