how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
