I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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