a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
