I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
