Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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