you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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