i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
being pregnant is like rehab
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
