And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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