I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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