I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
