went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
