So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
