my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
