Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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