rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
