Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
