He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
