My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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