Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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