My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Edward fifth and chaser hands
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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