drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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