I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
