After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
