I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
