I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
