I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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