he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
