someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
