I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
