dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
