So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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