He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
