Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
