I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
