Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
