Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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