just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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