Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
