Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
