I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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