Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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