did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
