they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize