This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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