As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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