I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
