No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
