We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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