I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
