I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
