wanna go halves on a baby?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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