I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
