non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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