Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's just like the Real World with babies
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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