I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
