My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
