I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
