what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I am naked and annoyed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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