have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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