If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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