Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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