dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
