idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
