he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
