Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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