pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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