we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
