What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
