The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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