i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Randomize
