the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
